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Finding the Keepers: A Framework for Sorting Through Family Conflict
I love the anticipation of hauling in a king crab pot. As the boat’s winch lifts the heavy trap from the depths, our minds replay all the variables that affect the catch: Did we use the right bait? Did we drop the pot onto a level spot? Are we even in an area where the crabs are? And then – the rush of exultation as the pot breaks the surface and we see a huge tangle of legs and claws clinging to the side of the net, the bait ball, and each other. Yes! My mouth is already watering. But…
Kathy Giles
Speaker / Writer
Archives
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The Toothpaste Test
Living in harmony starts with the toothpaste test As another wedding anniversary looms I find myself thinking back to those early years of learning to live together in harmony. The difference between deciding to marry and living everyday life together is like fishing for sardines and landing a 100-pound halibut. The reality is so much…
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A Conundrum in My Kitchen
A full fridge means leftovers are at critical mass There’s a conundrum in my kitchen. While most people grocery shop when their refrigerator is empty, I have to shop when mine is full. It took me awhile to identify the reason. In my house, a full fridge does not mean there are food choices in…
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Memories Hide Within the Clutter
Why do we keep the stuff we keep? I alternately wage war and make peace with the clutter in my house. Occasionally my tolerance of “stuff” reaches critical mass and I go on a rampage against it. In those moods I’m determined to minimalize, simplify, de-acquire. But my clutter is sneaky. It knows how to…
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The Huge Boss, the Small Boss, and Dogs That Don’t Listen
Some days, I just want to be the huge boss Our family roles have been defined since my son’s preschool days. According to his 4-year-old reckoning, Dad is the huge boss and I am the small boss. Since this pronouncement happened over 20 years ago, I can only guess at the criteria my son used…
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Things That Go Ring in the Night
Video doorbells don’t always see everything Fearless, I’m not. In fact, sometimes I’m a downright sissy. Not that I haven’t done brave things. After all, I birthed two children without so much as a Tylenol. And I’m not afraid of the dark, but sometimes I’m afraid in the dark. I don’t like things that…
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Food is Love and Cookbooks are Sacrilegious
Lessons from an Italian Grandmother My Italian grandmother taught me that food is love. She lived ten minutes from us growing up and never came over empty-handed, so my siblings and I were the recipients of an awful lot of love. And it was all from scratch. I don’t know if cooking from scratch is…
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Turning Outlaws into In-Laws
Saying “I do” doesn’t immediately make you family. Turning outlaws into in-laws isn’t easy, because marrying into a family and joining a family are two different things. Marriage is a moment, but joining is a journey. I’ve witnessed this phenomenon in our own family as the nieces and nephews begin to tie the knot.…
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Learning to Paint in the Blank Spots
Lessons gleaned from preschoolers learning to paint “This is Ben,” said the teacher. “He is learning to paint in the blank spots on the page.” I looked at the paint-smocked preschooler, who stood in front of the easel holding a color-laden brush. In the center of his paper was a cloud of at least half…
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Failure to Negotiate
Too Chicken to Haggle Over Chickens The root of most marital arguments is failure to communicate. In my marriage, it’s failure to negotiate. That’s because I married a man with the soul of a horse trader, while I possess the heart of a chicken. He relishes negotiating the numbers, but I abhor haggling. Our most…