Failure to Negotiate

Too Chicken to Haggle Over Chickens

The root of most marital arguments is failure to communicate. In my marriage, it’s failure to negotiate. That’s because I married a man with the soul of a horse trader, while I possess the heart of a chicken. He relishes negotiating the numbers, but I abhor haggling. Our most spirited arguments occur whenever I pay full price. Even my “good deals” make him grind his teeth.

Our most recent disagreement was over a pair of ceramic chickens. They were 50% off at a store that was closing, and I thought them perfect for my sister-in-law, who has a poultry-themed kitchen. To my mind, “half off” put the chickens in my price range, so I bought them and was happy with my bargain. My husband was appalled that I failed to negotiate for the already-on-sale chickens. To his mind, I squandered the opportunity to make the deal of the century.

Is that your best offer?

My husband has been trying to teach me the phrase, “Is that your best offer?” for over 30 years. It doesn’t stick. As a writer, I respect the permanence of the written word, so I view even a printed price tag as information carved in stone. I presume the seller has considered the fair market value of the wares, added a reasonable markup for profit, and tagged the item accordingly. If the price seems outrageous, I just assume the artist and I value the item differently and I walk away.

But hubby never does. Whether we are purchasing a car, a dog, a lamp, or a semester of college tuition, he will routinely ask for a better deal. Some of his proposals are so outrageously lopsided they embarrass me. But he maintains that there’s no harm in asking and the worst the seller can say is “no.” Of course, occasionally we get a “yes,” and that just makes him cocky.

Blame it on personality

Our personalities play an intrinsic part in our attitudes about bartering. My husband is a fearless negotiator. He assesses a situation, identifies the opponent who can get him what he wants, and bargains until he secures the deal. If they can’t reach an agreement, he’ll walk away. But to him, failing to negotiate is like leaving money on the table.

I am an accommodating peacemaker. When I assess a situation, I identify who has already conceded enough, and offer that person a comfy chair and a sandwich. I certainly don’t badger them with additional options to haggle over. My skin breaks out in hives just contemplating a confrontation, especially one as petty as the price of chickens. To me, failing to negotiate is a survival mechanism.

It’s in how you play the game

My husband can’t blame me for my poor bargaining skills. He knew what he was getting into before he married me. After all, we played Monopoly together. My lack of ruthlessness was obvious after the first lap around Go. Whether trading properties or negotiating loans, I never pressed to come out ahead. That didn’t bother him when it was a game (and he was winning). But once we started playing with real money and a joint checking account the stakes were considerably higher.

So in the interest of marital harmony, I leave the big wheeling and dealing to him. But it’s fun to ruffle his feathers over chickens once in awhile.