33 Lessons from Marriage

Every anniversary is a milestone

Milestones mark significant points along a journey. In the case of marriage, the “milestone” anniversaries are generally the decades, or the quarter or half centuries. But I prefer to believe every anniversary is a milestone. After all, each year represents 365 more days of mutual commitment to the institution and to the individual you share it with.

My husband and I just celebrated 33 years of marriage. It’s not a nice, round decade number. It’s not “special” like the silver, golden or diamond anniversaries. But don’t dismiss it. It’s still a milestone. Those 33 years represent an awful lot of work, and an even larger amount of grace extended toward one another.

I don’t pretend to have any great secrets to share about marriage. But for fun, I would like to share some of my observations along our journey. So here are 33 lessons I’ve learned from 33 years of marriage.

Observations from the First Decade

1. Faith is our foundation. Without it, our marriage has no structure, no purpose.
2. Sometimes (a lot) it’s okay to have omelets for dinner.
3. Vacuuming is not a gender-specific chore, unlike emptying mousetraps, which requires testosterone.
4. A good compromise is a half sausage, half veggie pizza.
5. There must be equality among in-laws. The wedding vows should say, “For better or worse, in sickness and in health, in visiting your parents and mine.”
6. This is a corollary to #5: Treat all in-laws with love and respect, even if they initially think you are a little boring, or they buy you underwear for your first Christmas.
7. Children are a blessing beyond description, most of the time.
8. One person will always be significantly more excited to open the mail.
9. The front seat passenger becomes the navigator by default, regardless of their qualifications.
10. Everyone needs a little fun money of their own to spend, no questions asked.

Lessons from the Second Decade

11. Good communication includes learning when to hold your tongue.
12. You become adept at telepathy, and fluent in eye rolls, shrugs, winks and sighs.
13. Napkins are apparently not essential to everyone.
14. It is possible to simultaneously give a neck rub and get a foot massage.
15. You cannot expect rationality when stomachs are empty, or reasonableness from the sleep-deprived.
16. It’s okay to abandon your To Do List to ride along on your mate’s errands just for company.
17. Responsible parents teach their children how to dial 911 in an emergency. Having to take a nap does not qualify as an emergency.
18. When making a major purchase, always ask, “Is that the best you can do?”
19. Milkshakes, like germs, are meant to be shared.
20. Family prayers before bed are the most precious moments of the day.

Truths from Decade Three (and counting)

21. You have to show up every day.
22. Budget time, money and energy to play. Don’t apologize for time you take off to spend with your family.
23. The best memories make us laugh. Laughter creates the best memories.
24. The two words that take the most courage to say are, “I’m sorry.”
25. The more often we choose to enjoy the moments, the more moments there are to enjoy.
26. Your greatest achievements and your sharpest hurts happen to someone else.
27. The dog now gets more kisses per day than you do.
28. Remembering your manners honors your mate.
29. Be grateful every day. And say so.
30. The hardest situations can be endured together, even if they can’t be fixed.
31. You never eat the last cookie without asking, “Does anyone want the last cookie?”
32. It’s okay to still hold hands in public.
33. If you expect love to keep growing, it will.

Do you resonate? What lessons would you put on your list? I’d love to have you share in the comments!

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