How to Stay Connected After the Kids Move Out

One challenge of empty nest parenting is how to stay connected after the kids move out. I spent years preparing them to live independently, but now I miss the mundane intimacy we shared while they were under my roof.

We try to be intentional about planning family dinners, game nights, and movie dates. We video chat. And on the family text thread we share everything from goofy pet photos to what’s on sale at Costco.

But there’s a difference between lighthearted connection and deeper relationship. Information is easy to exchange. How do we stay emotionally close? 

My son’s solution was to create a fantasy football league for our family. It’s brilliant. If anything prompts us to share our emotions, it’s football.

Whether by happy accident or subconscious vetting, both our kids married into families of avid football fans. Since we are equally keen, our fantasy league has been an unconventionally easy way to build relationships. From the first, it’s put us on common ground with the in-law families and given us something to bond over. It also puts us on the same schedule, making Sunday gatherings easy to plan – morning church, afternoon football.

Here are my top five reasons empty nest families need fantasy football:

1. It’s inclusive. Our league includes in-laws, outlaws, parents, kids, spouses, a stray uncle, and a bonus brother-in-law in another state. A quick “who are you, again?” on draft day establishes our kinship for the rest of the season.

2. No expertise needed. Fantasy football is so maddeningly random that strategy and knowledge play a very small part in your team’s success week to week. So whether you can recite statistics like Shakespearean sonnets, or you don’t know a nickel defense from a quarterback, you can still field a winning team. Just as even a blind squirrel finds the occasional nut, fantasy success is often plain, dumb luck.

3. Alliances are friendly. Sometimes our promising lineups fall victim to injuries, bye weeks, or suspensions for off-field misconduct (from the players, not the family). Our league members are happy to share advice or swap players to help one another without demanding outrageous compensation. When someone’s team is truly tanking, we offer heartfelt commiseration and occasionally chocolate chip cookies. 

4. Smack talk is optional. Our competitiveness runs the gamut from milquetoast to cutthroat, and we encourage freedom of expression. A few family members claim smack talk as their love language, but even the meek yell at the TV occasionally. I’m a die-hard fan of my local team in real life, but I’ll cheer for a regional rival on my fantasy squad while secretly hoping a favorite player on my opponent’s team has an off day.  

5. The stakes are low. In our family league, we play for bragging rights and who cooks on draft day the following year. Just like the real NFL, if your team finishes with the worst record, you pick first next year. As long as there’s chicken wing dip and a crockpot of mac-and-cheese, everyone’s a winner.

Regardless of how the rivalries pan out, I wholeheartedly endorse fantasy football as a way to stay connected with our adult kids. Plus, it’s an excuse to nap on the couch on Sunday afternoon. 

Do you have a special way you stay connected with your kids? Share your tips in the comments below!